A frigid wind blew across Quin’s face as she gazed around at the freshly fallen snow that blanketed the entire academy. She was sure this wasn’t what the first Christmas had looked like, just like she was sure that everyone was wrong.
Quin sighed and knelt down in the soft snow. Why did she feel so lonely? Why couldn’t anyone see that Christmas wasn’t about the music or the lights, not even her mother or father?
Quin closed her eyes and wished someone could see what she saw; more than that, she wished that someone would be her friend for a change.
“Lord,” she said quietly, “why can’t someone else see that Christmas is all about You? Instead, they’re all inside laughing and opening presents and singing songs that don’t even glorify You!” Quin hadn’t meant to shout, and she opened her eyes, looking around to see if anyone had heard her. All she saw, though, was the whirling wind and a huge blanket of snow surrounded by woods.
The academy looked so desolate when no one was outside. The only light came from the activity center in the distance, and Quin wondered what the students were doing in there. It didn’t seem fair to her that they seemed so happy doing things they wanted to do, while she was the only one who actually believed the true meaning of Christmas, and was the only one who wasn’t happy.
Quin sighed and got up, brushing the snow off her waterproof jeans, (designed by one of the students at the academy,) and turning away from the academy again. Her breath caught as she noticed just then how beautiful it was. Ice dangled from every branch in the woods, and up ahead, a little frozen over stream gurgled as water trickled underneath the ice.
That was how she felt. Her heart was encased in an ice of loneliness, while underneath she was alive. Alive, but unreachable. Quin looked back at the only building in the academy that was lit and wondered how they were so happy just trying to please themselves. How could her own parents be caught up in the Christmas magic? she wondered. Why couldn’t they see the truth?
“Lord, it just doesn’t make sense. Why are my parents celebrating Christmas without You?” Quin felt a stab of guilt as she said this. Thinking back, she could remember her parents teaching her about what the Christmas star meant and why it was put up on the top of the tree, why they made red apple cider on Christmas, and what the lights on the tree meant. A tear slowly slipped down her face as she remembered how she had once been so full of light; how much she had loved Jesus back then. And then it hit her like an arrow. She had used to celebrate Christmas like everyone else and yet He had seemed even more real to her than usual on Christmas while she tore open her presents and baked Christmas cookies with her family.
Quin got a sick feeling remembering the last time she had baked with her family on Christmas. That had been three years ago. Now it was like God was telling her ‘I was always there in the midst of Christmas. You’re just not looking for Me.’ Looking at herself, Quin suddenly saw how selfish she was being. Here she was standing outside, alone in the snow, leaving her parents to have Christmas without her.
“I’m sorry, Lord,” Quin whispered. “I’m only thinking of myself, not You or anyone else.” Quin felt her heart beating faster as she silently cried out to God to help her, and she suddenly smiled. God didn’t want her to walk around feeling sorry for herself on Christmas. He only wanted her to be happy and please Him, and that’s what she was going to do. Quin took a deep breath and turned back toward the activity building. She started trudging toward the building, then stopped. What would her parents think about her if she came in the door of the activity room after not coming to the Christmas Party for three years? Her heart started beating faster again and she was about to turn away again when she suddenly noticed how selfish she was being. Again. Quin took a deep breath.
“Lord, please help me not to be selfish anymore. I’m done only thinking of myself.”
She took another deep breath and started running toward the activity building. She didn’t care what they were going to think of her. She knew that she couldn’t stay outside anymore while her family was in there celebrating without her. Christmas wasn’t just about Jesus’ birth, but also about celebrating it with other believers. It wasn’t about the presents and cider, but the presents and cider were for Him.
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